i am enjoying all this time to myself. to be in charge of my day--when i eat, when i read, when i socialize, when i rest--is an amazing feeling.

i must not have been too in charge over the summer but boy does it feel good now.

well the crew had our first night at connections last night. we got a real late jump on the night, but clubs in tn are open till 3 rather than 2 like in boston so it was all good. we still had three hours of queer. :)

rachel was there. oh yes. remember rachel? check out previous entries from jan and feb. she is referred to in there a few times. after reading some of the previous entries, i'm trying to figure out if last night was such a good idea...

i gave her my new cell #, kissed her, and made plans for her to come see me. dammit. only a couple days into classes and i'm starting up so many new things in my life. i guess i can only take it one day at a time.

she's very cute though. she got her eyebrow pierced, had on a cute ass hat, and has just generally gotten hotter.

we'll see.

interview game rules:
1. Leave a comment, saying you want to be interviewed.
2. I will respond; i'll ask you five questions.
3. You'll update your website with my five questions, and your five answers.
4. You'll include this explanation.
5. You'll ask other people five questions when they want to be interviewed.


petya's questions for me:

1. What is the best concert you've ever seen? Careful how you answer this one. It's a trick question.

hard one. need to think about this a little more. check back later.

...(later) TORI AMOS! i saw her last night and she was nothing short of a goddess. her music is full and passionate. she played for around 2 hrs and 45 minutes. i honestly left thinking that she was some sort of angel.

2. WHat is your dream job?

my dream job is to open up an LGBTI (lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, intersexed) teen center somewhere in the south (bible belt). in a small town, for i want to be a trailblazer..the town liberal. i would like to have a clinical half to the center, where i would serve as a non-profit counselor for struggling LGBTI youth.

3. What is your favorite American city and why?

boston. because of its amazing beautiful skyline. because of the christian science complex at night. because i get some weird sensation thinking that i am standing in the place where historical events occured. because it is the only city that i have lived in and not felt that a neon sign reading "I'M GAY" flashed above my head. because boston has a feel to it. it is alive.

4. Which movie star would you like to look like?

i tried to dig for an answer that wasn't quite so obvious, but no one compares to angelina jolie. i would like to look like her in gia--with the spikey hair. or in gone in 60 seconds w/the blonde hair. definately not her in the girly roles. that just isn't me.

5. What are your plans for after you graduate? [Insert evil laugh here. I hated it when people would ask me that last year]


to take a couple years off from school and do some more work in the field of autism. if i like it enough, i want to go to child development grad school. if i don't like it, then i don't know.

while i really miss boston, i am glad to be back at sewanee. my wants are in such conflict. i want the excitement that i had this summer, yet i can't live that lifestyle (of drama). i was so thankful to be able to uproot, yet i am now in a place where people do not come out. this makes my life difficult. i see people daily that i know are questioning, but i cannot pursue. its all about accepting and understanding people and the places that they are in their lives, but understanding requires patience. i often wonder why i chose a small conservative school in the south....??

living at the women's center is wonderful--to think, i am comfortable living as a lesbian in a tight-knit house with several other women. i never thought that i would be in this place...ever in my life.

no matter the reasons that i chose sewanee, it has bettered me as a person. i have and will continue to survive. and needing to survive has only made me a stronger person.

went out with ryan, matt, tanya, and rachel tonight. we had a snack and a few beers at redbones in davis square. what great conversation....

rachel and tanya are so nice. they offered me a place to stay whenever i find myself back in boston. tonight made me realize how many great people i have met this summer. i am truly sad to leave.

but excited to go back. i just posted to the "joint blog," another shot of tequilla, and realized how i should be excited about the move. i have one year left. i should be excited for all the changes that will be happening in my life over the next year. what's so bad about being in complete control of where my life is headed? i think i have it made...why be sad?

while packing, i started wondering what was going on in my life last year so i took at look at some entries....this is one that i found (just gotten back at sewanee after the summer in boston):

linda and i have kept in touch thus far. she called tonight, which was good b/c of my not being able to talk to my ex and my thoughts' tendancy to be the death of me. i realized how much i truly miss linda. we talked for a half hour or so and planned a trip for me to go see her and her to come see me. linda is someone that i honestly see myself with before i go back to my ex. perhaps next summer will be good timing for the two of us :).



i need a relationship with someone like linda--mature, experienced, and just plain wise. like i said before: i'm interested to see what comes of us...

whoa. and so many more like that. i can't believe that after a year of being hung on linda i am actually over her...

i am packing. i am overwhelmed. i am sad. i am excited.


funny how my thoughts are so choppy. i think its b/c i'm stressed and my mind can't keep a steady thought for long.

my life is filled with sadness right now.

there is no longer a chance for linda and me.

leaving my sister yesterday was entirely too rough.

i have my last night with elena tonight.

i am leaving boston in less than 3 days.

short boring post...

i got a new cell phone and #. if you know me well enough, leave a comment w/your email address and i will send it to you.

but of course, corinne calls me today. like clockwork. she knows when to call.

today was newport folk festival w/linda. we got into it last night at hollywood. i had the convo w/her. how the jess thing was too much. it affected me more than i knew. we talked about it a lot today. michelle, danielle, shorty, and marcel were all there. michelle is one cool chic. there is a chance that she will move to atl in sept. --this would kick ass.

so sonja was there w/michelle last night and also today at the show. i met her at hollywood and 20 min later was like "you look familiar." she said, "well that's probably b/c we just met."

that's how drunk i was.

i danced w/danielle and don't remember. geez. i suck. i need to calm my life down. i don't even know if i owe apologies. i'm pretty sure that linda asked me to dance right in front of corinne.

my life is so crazy right now that i can't even write a journal entry. my mind is all over the place. i think i will just go to sleep so that i don't have to think about it all.

so last night was another corinne bullshit night. how many are there going to have to be before i forget about her ass!?!

she was like, "so have you had a good summer? i've introduced you to a lot of people..."

to which i responded. ..."yeah"

to which she said "aren't you glad you met me?!"

and i said, (slowly) "yeah"

she said, "oh. you hesitated!!!"

i didn't deny

she said it again.

i didn't deny

i told her that she sucks last night. but in a fliratious way. that doesn't work.

she does suck

ani was amazing last night. she sang a lot of her old stuff, which made my night entirely. on top of that, she took down her dreads during the encore. mmm...

after the show, i went to corinne's house for a party. soooo many girls there. probably in the 50 person range. lots of beer too. i didn't even get there till 1.15 am. left around 3.30.

corinne was genuinly excited to see me there. she was very flirtatious and sad when she realized that i only have a few more weekend nights in boston. i think we will hook up before i leave. (i hope)....

met a lot of new cool lesbians up here. i'm a little worried:

tonight is my last night to go to hollywood, and linda told me that she will probably be there celebrating jess' bday. at hollywood, i dance really sexual with a lot of my friends. i wish linda didn't have to see that. and then i have to deal w/meeting jess for the first time.

oh well. i need to just take it by the moment. if corinne kisses me, should i kiss her back? i'm just not going to analyze it till after it happens--probably not the best plan, but its my last night to be a crazy lesbian! :)

more and more plans with corinne, less and less plans with linda....

this seems to be what's going on in my life outside of work. corinne has been calling me a lot lately. she came over and hung out at the apartment yesterday. she is probably gonna come have some drinks with some friends at my place before manray tomorrow, and then we have ani and kristy's party at her place on friday. saturday is hollywood and we will probably preparty and go there together. i am trying so hard not to get my hopes up, but i would love to spend a couple more nights w/her before i leave. she's a cool ass chick.

i have one more night left of work at kb. this saddens me. i'm glad that my last night is with india and steph b/c we are the roller-skating queens. i'm sure that all three of us will be on skates rolling around the store.

so corinne showed me this cool site friendster. you connect to people that you know and then meet the people that they know. its like a big network of friends---an easy way to keep in touch with a lot of her friends that i don't know well enough to call once i leave boston.

more big news: i have been emailing genesis from real world boston!!!! the gsa'ers (little do they know) are going to book her and help fundraise to pay for her to come speak on national coming out day (oct 11th). genesis gave me her phone number!?!? oh my goodness. she's hot. BUT married. oh well. its cool that i am in contact w/her anyways. what a kick-ass life i lead :)

i'm off to finish cleaning the ferret cage. ethan is on his way home to help....

a piece of an email to ros to update (don't feel like writing):

so much has been going on in my life.

i am scared to go back to sewanee. i'm hoping that i can handle the south and all its territory.

corinne was a total bitch to me the other night. since then, we made up and are back on good terms. but it SUCKED.

linda and i haven't seen each other for two and a half weeks. eeks. for ten months all that i wanted was to be with her. now i don't really even crave to hang out with her.

i had major drama explode on saturday night. the harvard girl (sarah) who i hooked up with a couple weeks ago at the club was there with her gf. BUT her gf was there. AND she was all over me the whole night. this is a night when i went to the club with corinne...the girl i wanted to hook up with. so...the girlfriend of sarah was raging! i thought that i was going to be slapped. sarah is the reason that corinne was such a bitch to mee (as i told you up there).

corinne and i are getting together tomorrow to burn cds. and friday we are going to an ani concert together. then she's having a party for her good friend at her place when we get back to boston. should be a great night.

i feel like a little bit of a pussy for forgiving corinne so easily. oh well. what can i say? i want to have sex with her again before i leave! its just that simple!

i went out to manray last night. saw corinne there, but wasn't worrying much with her as i met a wonderful girl. her name is sarah. she is 22 and works at a vet clinic in cambridge. she graduated from harvard with a degree in bio and something else last year. she is deferring her admission to med school for a couple years because she isn't sure that its what she wants to do with her life.

but wow! she is hot. i got her number and plan on calling her tomorrow to make plans for sunday. corinne invited me to a party tonight in brighton. i am leaving in a few minutes to go hang out w/her while she closes the store. we are going to her apt so that she can change and then out to the party. i'm lost as to where this whole corinne thing is headed.

hollywood is tomorrow night! i'm pscyhed. then possibly plans with sarah on sunday. big weekend. i'm going out with a blast this summer.