the weekend with brooke was incredible. its going to take me a few days to process it completely.

this could be a good good thing i've happened upon...

woohoo. i sucked it up and asked brooke to the mountaintop ball dinner :)

she said yes.

we talked briefly. our days were good and full. she is coming up here for the play on friday. i couldn't talk for long because i have a huge test today. we talked about the test material (freud, piaget) and hung up.

i get a text message from her about thirty minutes later, "i meant to tell you good luck tomorrow. talk to you later--brooke"

i'm being made fun of often these days, but i don't even care. i'm excited...i'll be the first to admit it.

i think that i am getting pink eye. of course the week that i meet someone....

brooke and i talked for a long time last night. seems like our personalities mesh well. she is probably going to be coming up here on friday for a play and dinner. if i end up going to chattanooga to do work one day this week we will probably hook up for dinner or coffee.

i need to keep myself from getting too into her and less into my work. that is my fear. i tend to lose priority pretty fast.

i'm so happy. she's cute, intelligent, and likes me a lot.

what a nice birthday celebration. come what may...

i got a call from beth, my friend since preschool, this morning at 12.05 am. she was the first to say it---"happy birthday."

my 22nd birthday...i have turned the page on my calender 12 times since that 40 oz heineken that i bought at midnight on my 21st birthday.

i reflect a lot on my birthday. what all have i done with the past year of my life? am i proud? do i have regrets? what do i want to do until my next birthday?

my birthday feels like an old-school race car game on nes. i've hit the next checkpoint, did i take the turns as efficiently as i could? what could i have changed to reach a better standing at this checkpoint? or am at a good rank? could i have avoided pit stops by driving my life better?

i am happy with the following things from my life's 21st year:
taking my psychologist seriously
supporting my brother through his addiction and rehab
coming out to my sister, mother, and brother
maintaining awesome grades through depression
coming out of my depression
reestablishing contact with old friends
being a good friend
living independly again in boston
allowing the advantages of 'being out' to seep into my life at sewanee
allowing myself to hookup

things i might have done better and would like to improve:
allowing myself to have meaningless hookups
stay in better touch with my father because i'm not being fair to him
coming out to my father so that i can be fair to him
taken initiative and gotten my bike off my car
better money management
keeping ferrets pleasant to the nose
not letting things get awkward after a dtr
taking each and every second of the day seriously
tell my friends that i love them
spend more time pleasure reading before bed

sitting here listening to toshi reagan. getting inspired to read her lyrics.

i've been using my memory a lot lately. catalyzing it through old cd's, old journal entries, and contacting veteran friends on the phone. i think that turning 22 in a couple days is forcing me to put my life into perspective.

as i was looking up toshi reagan lyrics on google, i came across this link to petya's weblog. i guess that october of last year, petya and i were pretty close. its amazing how you can forget how many good times you have with someone. some of those days were my most cherished last year. we had the best time in athens for the ani/toshi concert.

i am struck by memories these days--the events/people/feelings that shaped me into the person that i am today...

written entry from yesterday:

parent support was yesterday. these days wear me out more than any other day. i miss my brother. i wish that i could trust him. he is doing good, but i wonder if he's only "doing good" so that he can get out of three springs only to fuck it up again. i fear the day he gets so badly. i don't want to have to cut ties with him. i love him too much for that.

chris and i have engaged in GREAT conversations lately. i genuinly got sad when i realized that i only have one more semester here.

a constant yearning tonight for the boston skyline.

okay, so this is my horoscope for today:

Scorpio

Horoscope (by Astrocenter.com)
When your heart is gently touched, it is apt to feel loving, generous, and supportive of everyone around, dear Scorpio. If your heart is lonely, it is apt to feel deserted by everyone on Earth. It would be impossible to try to make rational sense of why things always need to be so extreme for you, but the fact of the matter is, you don't need to try to figure it out rationally. You only need to accept the fact that this is the way you feel.


i'm not real sure how this has to do with my day today, but i like the advice all the same. i tend to be way too rational sometimes and always have a grasp on the why's and how's of what i feel. linda helped me realize that inexplainable feelings are often the most genuine--the ones that probably need no explanation.

yet i remain a rational scorpio.

i is 9.30 am and i have already taken an exam and gotten four comps drafts back. i'm going to take a nap in hopes that i can start my day again without all the stress.

this is a rather achievable goal, as i just got an email that my seminar this afternoon is cancelled. :)

i don't normally dress up for halloween, but last night was an exception.

i became stetson, the husband of christina (chris). christina wore carmen's red dress and some wal-mart heels. i wore chris' black pants, and his red tie to match my lovely wife. i bought an oxford at wal-mart. i slicked my hair back w/some of chris' products and put it in a pony-tail.

i looked like a guy; christof looked like a girl. it was fantastic.