i have a day off! and i can finally write about my week.

wednesday night, priya and i went to club cafe to eat and have some drinks. when our first round came, our waiter told us that the lady at the bar was paying for it. so anyways, we figure out who this lady is (wasn't hard as she was the only lady at the bar) and are extremely confused. first of all, there were two of us. which one is she hitting on? how do you order a round for a table with two girls? and secondly, she was older.

we ate, we drank, we were checked out constantly. next thing we know, we are being asked by our waiter if we like champagne b/c she wants to buy us some. we say yes and laugh all giddily. here comes the waiter with a bottle and two glasses. he tells us "this is blablabla from france. it is a very nice champagne. she opened it and had the first glass to be sure it was fine to send over.

we had him tell her to come over to our table. as she walked up, i realized how OLD she was. she sat down and told us not to be too flattered because she was looking around to buy some women drinks and we were nearly the only women in the place. we started some small talk during which the age issue came up. priya said something about being at babson and the lady asked if she was in the grad program there. priya said no that she was an undergrad. the lady asked how old we were. priya says 19 (note this lady just bought her alcohol haha) and i said 21. she asked how old our mothers were. 47 and 48. how old is she? 40!

she was so disappointed. ends up she is a professor at harvard business school. the talk turned out being more of a pep talk for the rest of our lives than a flirtatious talk. she ended the talk by saying "well i'm gonna go now. i'm too old to continue talking to you girls."

ethan walked in just after she left and we looked at the menu to see how much the bottle was. 62 dollars!!! plus our round of beers. she spent like 75 bucks on us. i felt bad. but shit. it makes a good story...

although corinne is not good for me, i am intrigued and still very much into her. she was at hollywood last night. i refused to make a move to go dance with her. what's so scary about showing a girl that you're a little into her? why can't she show a little?

anyways. we're going on a date (??) tonight to see melissa ferrick. i am going to wait until i can't wait any longer to see if she calls me first. i'm real tired of her protective layer. ugh. not attractive.

i again was miss dance last night. i danced with everyone. i am going to miss hollywood...the music is fab. last night i saw this girl there that i made eyes with for a long time at providence pride. she came up to me and we discussed why the familiarity. priya and i have plans to meet a lot of people there next week.

as for linda. i should really go talk to her today. i might just do that. i need to clear this shit up. oh and check out my horoscope:

Scorpio

Horoscope (by Astrocenter.com)
It is quite possible that you have been so emotional about a certain issue that you have taken it way too far, dear Scorpio. Fortunately, your mental reasoning has finally caught up with your feelings, and now it is time for a reckoning. Give your brain a chance to help sort things out and bring the situation back into equilibrium. Your first tendency may be to overreact and have things swing in exactly the opposite direction. Do your best to resist this temptation.

....i'm out. leave me comments!!

written entry from a few days ago:

on this day 11 years ago, i had open-heart surgery. this thought, which came only as i wrote the date, makes me realize that my complaints/troubles below are petty...and i feel thankful for my life.

the situations with corinne and linda are clashing in every way imaginable. like today, i think linda is going to call me after work to see if i want to go do something. so i called corinne first (note: i had to make up an excuse to call her) to see if she was at work/busy this afternoon. corinne is working, so now i will hang out with linda if she calls. i feel so shitty...

i do not want to be this person!

i need to plan out a conversation to have w/linda. BUT i don't know what i want. AND i don't know how long it is going to take to figure it out.

at this point, i feel that one month is a good time to leave. i can tell them both that i can't committ/be exclusive to either.

there is a huge diff. in how i feel about them. with linda its more serious/emotional (until recently) corinne is fun and carefree. i'm looking for fun in my last month here. i think i also have some stored anger w/linda and the whole jess situation.

i think about corinne a lot more than linda these days. i think that i'm yearning for excitement. i can hardly wait for sunday (ferrick with corinne).

feelings for linda have altered. the reason for this is haunting me.

how can i have a talk with her if i am so lost?

I AM LOST!

argh. linda is with jess right now. this is no doubt affecting me. no doubt.

we started this extremely emotional relationship over the past week and now she is with another girl. this should not be happening. i don't appreciate it at all.

my feelings for linda have changed. these things could be playing into it:

corinne
protection
jealousy

is this the beginning of a downward spiral of my feelings for linda? or are my feelings going to come back. i feel anxiety 24/7.

i am lost.

corinne and i went out after work on saturday night. we definately had a nice time. i spent the night at her place. i can say...after spending two nights with corinne, last night was difficult sleeping alone. i enjoy her company.

spending time with corinne has also made me realize that i really am not ready to settle down with anyone (i.e. linda). i feel like i need to relay this to linda, but am afraid of hurting her. she is moving in the opposite direction i think. she came over last night after i got off work and i felt weird. its hard thinking that she was with jess the night before. and hard thinking that i was with corinne the night before. i can't handle that kind of relationship. something needs to change.

i'm off to start a therapy session with my student. more later.

corinne stayed the night last night :) nothing sexual. just talking.

we're going out again tonight after we get off work....

i feel great.

during these hours alone, i have realized many things:

first--i haven't had enough time alone lately
then--i love my life...my past, the place i am now, and the place that i see myself going

corinne and i are about to go out with christie and her new girl. i'm very interested to see how this night plays out.....

linda is with jess. i am having jealousy issues. :(

corinne and i met up at manray last night. we danced--very nice. we're meeting up tonight..probably just the two of us. i am very attracted to her.

don't exactly know what to do about the linda thing. it is going to be so tough leaving. would it be better to gaurd myself now and calm my emotions? but linda and i have something truly amazing. i should take advantage right!? i only have a month left...

i really am scared. scared b/c of the intensity of what i feel for her.

kissing linda is too nice.

i wish i could have a goodnight kiss again tonight.

it is crazy being the new lesbian in town....party on wednesday w/corinne, concert thursday with rachel and tanya, and two new phone numbers. --AND linda coming back in town today.

sewanee is going to SUCK.

oh...one more thing. mitch is coming to visit on wednesday!!! i'm so excited to see him.

so much going on these days.

i got home from work on monday to find a crush bottle filled with flowers and a card....from linda. i met up w/her that night b/c she had something she wanted to tell me....

she and jess are no longer exclusive.

linda and i went out on a date wednesday night. it was nice. so nice that the following statements came out of my mouth:

"it feels like the center of all energy is right here (pointed to center of our intertwined hands). it just feels like everything is centered around this (pointed again). [pause] i feel like if i were to wave our hands around, the entire world would spin."

yes, there is a taste of stacey's sense of humor. i actually waved our hands around in a circle :) the night ended by making plans on taking a nap together when she gets back from vermont.

thursday night was manray. ryan and nick met me and ethan at our place and bobby and gaelle met us at the club. we had a blast. ethan and i saw a guy from connections. we talked to him for a while about tennessee. he goes to vanderbilt and is from tuscaloosa, al. (45 min from my hometown). he will be a senior next year. ethan is psyched about this guy...maybe they will get together. :)

yesterday, ethan and i went out to a park before heading out to a party and after getting rid of our hangovers. the party was a blast. the only person, other than ethan, that i knew was gaelle. ethan's lesbian boss was there with her wife. it was awesome talking to them about being gay. anyways...the night was great. i got tonya's (boss' wife) and gaelle's numbers as we have plans to go to hollywood tonight.

i woke up with an extremely sore throat. so bad that i thought about not going into work tonight, but it has gone away some. i think some new strand of pollen is in the air...:) i'm off to get ready for work.

(oh and why isn't anyone leaving me comments? have i gotten boring or something?)