so, i am home. i am not really excited about being here, but i am here for another couple weeks regardless.

i have officially reached that "i HAVE to get out of here and continue a highly prioritized lifestyle or i'm gonna go crazy" point. i am leaving early wednesday morning to go to chattanooga, where i will hook up with my gf and some of her friends. we will then drive to atlanta to be with cristobal for a few days (new years). i am really looking forward to spending time with brooke. i miss her dearly and feel like she is part of the reason that time home feels so unfulfilling.

my sister has nearly driven me crazy lately. i told her that i think she is too critical of everything around her. for instance, the other day we were behind a car that had stickers and decals on the back of the car. she said something with an "i'm better than you" tone about it. i responded, "well, debbi. i think that they must like it that way or else they wouldn't have put them on their car." i said something similar to that about people's tastes in music today and she got a little pissy. i took advantage to let her know how i feel about her constantly voiced opinions. hopefully those criticisms will decrease....

on the drive home from pensacola today, i started thinking about my brother. his home visit was over the day that we left for pensacola. so i was thinking about his addiction problems all emotionally today. i started to feel rather guilty about not noticing his downfall when it happened. how was i so blind? i tried to remember my trips home during the time that he was an alcoholic/addict...i was oblivious. i know that this was around the time that my dad had me help brian with his homework...i know i was hanging out with him a lot. it was around the time that he helped me move to and from boston (1st boston summer). how the hell did i not notice??! i feel bad...i wish i could have seen it before it became such a problem. i miss him already, and i saw him just yesterday.

i'm toying around with the idea of having him live in an apartment with me when he gets done with this program. i don't think it would be beneficial for him to come back home--too many of the same old influences. my mom probably wouldn't want me to go all the way to boston if my brother does plan on living with me.

my brother, brooke, and mitch, and chris are huge persuasions to possibly stay in tennessee next year. sacrifices are sometimes warranted, as bad as i want to go to boston.

going home is always an odd sensation. this trip home feels good though. i am content in my life as it stands.

this month will be the longest that i've been home since the summer after my freshman year, and will be the longest stay for an indeterminable amount of time.

goodness. i will embrace my life without committments for the first time in only 5 months.

i could go anywhere. i could do anything. and. i have a damn good education strapped under my belt.

i end the semester with open arms eager for the future to pass me by....

sucks when you like someone so much that you don't want to get off the phone w/them....yet you have nothing to say...

how to break the cycle...hm

from the boston globe: go priya!

APPLES AT HER CORE - Priya Khetarpal, a business student at Babson College in Wellesley, is simply mad for apples.

Khertarpal's obsession with the fruit began in a literature course she took her sophomore year where she learned about John Chapman, more commonly known as Johnny Appleseed. Inspired by Chapman's dedication to teaching apple culture and spreading seeds far and wide, Khertarpal set out to find out as much about apples as possible, visiting every orchard in Massachusetts and studying the apple aisle in every nearby supermarket and farm stand.

She can spout arcane facts about apples, such as they have 2,500 names and can slow down the balding process, and can recite statistics on the apple's nutritional value, flavors, and overall popularity in the supermarket produce aisle (the apple ranks in the top 10 out of 315 fresh produce items sold in US stores, she says) and has perfected methods for drying and storing rarer varieties.

But Khertarpal hasn't forgotten she's a business student. She has applied to Babson's Hatchery Program, a leased space on campus where she can set up a production and distribution center and put her apple knowledge to use as a fledgling business, making and selling apple chips. Already, she says, she is selling 50 bags a week, and is negotiating contracts with farmers, national nonprofits, and business "incubators'' to bring her product to the mass market.

i haven't been journaling because i can't express my relationship with brooke in words. our connection is only done justice by seeing us together.

i'm sure that in a few days i will be able to journal about other things. until then...