so, i am home. i am not really excited about being here, but i am here for another couple weeks regardless.

i have officially reached that "i HAVE to get out of here and continue a highly prioritized lifestyle or i'm gonna go crazy" point. i am leaving early wednesday morning to go to chattanooga, where i will hook up with my gf and some of her friends. we will then drive to atlanta to be with cristobal for a few days (new years). i am really looking forward to spending time with brooke. i miss her dearly and feel like she is part of the reason that time home feels so unfulfilling.

my sister has nearly driven me crazy lately. i told her that i think she is too critical of everything around her. for instance, the other day we were behind a car that had stickers and decals on the back of the car. she said something with an "i'm better than you" tone about it. i responded, "well, debbi. i think that they must like it that way or else they wouldn't have put them on their car." i said something similar to that about people's tastes in music today and she got a little pissy. i took advantage to let her know how i feel about her constantly voiced opinions. hopefully those criticisms will decrease....

on the drive home from pensacola today, i started thinking about my brother. his home visit was over the day that we left for pensacola. so i was thinking about his addiction problems all emotionally today. i started to feel rather guilty about not noticing his downfall when it happened. how was i so blind? i tried to remember my trips home during the time that he was an alcoholic/addict...i was oblivious. i know that this was around the time that my dad had me help brian with his homework...i know i was hanging out with him a lot. it was around the time that he helped me move to and from boston (1st boston summer). how the hell did i not notice??! i feel bad...i wish i could have seen it before it became such a problem. i miss him already, and i saw him just yesterday.

i'm toying around with the idea of having him live in an apartment with me when he gets done with this program. i don't think it would be beneficial for him to come back home--too many of the same old influences. my mom probably wouldn't want me to go all the way to boston if my brother does plan on living with me.

my brother, brooke, and mitch, and chris are huge persuasions to possibly stay in tennessee next year. sacrifices are sometimes warranted, as bad as i want to go to boston.