i am in a state that i could not descibe if i tried. but let me try. i feel:

sad
exstatic
unsettled
empty
restless - tired, but too many thoughts
encouraged - wishing time would pass
amazed - at the beauty of people. the extent of beauty that one person can be...
empty again
out of control - i am not taking my life seriously enough
let down - by myself
too ambitious
sad
empty
teary - my brother
hopeless
helpless
emotional wreck
lost
sad
confused - about myself, who i am

what do i do with this? maybe make a what i need list:

someone to love
someone to share myself with
someone to hug
to be able to play guitar (?)
an identity
to be understood
TO BE OUT.
to talk to my brother
to tell my friends how much i love them
to spend more time by myself
to make up my OWN mind

now that i'm feeling a little better,let's try these lists one more time....

i feel:

tired.

i need:

to go to bed.