i am home for the holidays. thanksgiving happened on thanksgiving day at my dad's house; it will happen tomorrow at my mom's. the most tension of my trip home has yet to come. i will encounter my step-dad, jim, tomorrow at my mom's house. i really do not care for him. we got into a huge fight last thanksgiving. i have yet to be able to forgive him....

today was not a very good day. i woke up and went shopping with my dad and debbi. when we got home, my dad and i played frisbee outside for a while. sometime after that, my day began to fill with anxiety. i don't really know why i became so anxious. i have tried to calm myself down, but i am afraid sleep is what i need..

two people told me that i scare them today--one being linda. she says that i scare her "not in a bad way, just in a not so sure about anything anymore kind of way." i haven't talked to her since she sent me that email. i'm kind of interested to see what's going on in her mind. i've kind of been feeling the same way today...anxious about our situation. i think we are still on the same page....

i'm off to read more of "stone butch blues," then to bed...