my emotions are currently ruling my life. i have so many, yet i am unable to understand any of them. i feel so unsettled.

my sister is flying into nashville in a week and a half. we will spend the night at sewanee on wednesday night and head home for thanksgiving dinner early thursday morning. we will come back to sewanee sunday night. her flight leaves monday afternoon. i'm very nervous about her coming. see i am not out to any of my family. this is a problem because my existance at sewanee revolves heavily around my sexuality. i have pride paraphanalia in many places. i am so tired of hiding my true self from my family. i refuse to disquise my life. how will she take it?

the linda thing is becoming confusing as hell. she is the sweetest thing in the world, but i do not want to fall for her with such distance between us. i want to make sure that my falling for her is real--not something that would crash if we were together. what to do?

one of my professors (a clinical psychologist) asked me the other day if the situation with my brother was getting in the way of my studies. she said that she noticed a huge drop in my participation/performance since he left for rehab. it is disturbing that someone noticed. she advised me to make an appointment with a psychologist to talk things through.

i wish reality would stop biting me in the ass...