conversation with my ex tonight:

me: i would like to talk to you
her: what do u wanna talk about?
me: i don't know...just to catch up
her: oh
me: i just wish we could be friends
me: but it doesn't really seem like you want much to do w/me...
her: i consider you a friend
me: but we never talk
me: its always short
her: yeah but we both have so much goin on and we are so diff
me: but you were my world for 2 years
me: and now i never talk to you
her: i was your world?
me: i can make time for you jaq
me: yes you were
her: thats very sweet of you to say
me: i really wish that we could get back on regular talking terms
me: i miss you tremendously
her: *smiles*
me: you mean a lot to me....i feel like something is missing w/out you
her: i dont know what to say
me: just please don't make excuses for why we don't talk...there isn't an excuse good enough. i'm going to stop making them.
her: ok i understand
me: you are such a part of me...i can't ignore that.
me: i tried to ignore it...
me: for a while...now i just feel like i'm lacking something.
me: like i've lost those two years (or something like that) b/c i don't talk to you anymore
me: like it was just the past....nothing more.
me: and i don't want you to be that...
me: ok i will shutup now
her: u dont have to shut up
her: im reading every word you type
me: is it making sense?
me: can you feel what i'm saying?
her: yes it is
her: yes i can
me: you are an amazing person, and i want you in my life in some way....
her: thank you
me: i want to develop a real, meaningful relationship with you. a deep one. so that we will always stay in touch
me: i can't loose you from my life
me: it meant too much
her: we will always keep in touch
me: well...
me: ok :-)
me: i really miss you
me: i wish you were here. we could play nintendo haha
her: lol
me: and we could laugh w/ros
her: true
me: damn
me: well....let me know when we can talk (phone)
me: i guess i'll let you go now
me: you there?
her: yes im here
her: went to the restroom
me: ah
me: well
her: well what?
me: nothing
me: you don't ever say much
her: no tell me
me: i'm down.
her: why?
me: i don't know...
me: ugh
me: i'm frustrated
her: why are you frustrated
me: b/c you aren't saying much
me: of anything at all
me: its like you have disconnected yourself from your emotions...
her: i dont know what to say
me: you are not the emotional/feeling jaquita that i knew
me: its like you have turned off all your feeling/compassion
me: you've become numb
her: i feel things
me: to everything as far as i can tell. and that frustrates me...then it makes me sad (once i get over the frustration)
me: well...you have hardened yourself up
me: its like you're afraid to show that you feel stuff
her: yes in a way yes
me: even to me.
me: you can't even show me
me: and that hurts
me: i feel like you aren't letting me in
her: no not to u
me: you have the cage now
me: and i can't break through
her: im sorry
her: maybe we can talk tomorrow on the phone
me: why can't you let me back in?
me: what are you afraid of?
her: all i can do is try my best
me: i spilled my guts earlier...you hardly said anything. i'm tired of the relationship and how its going now
her: i said that we can talk tomorrow
me: i want to talk to you so often. but i know that if i do, you will be short with me.
me: and it will be over with before 5 min is up
me: ok
me: well i'm going to bed.
her: ok goodnight
me: ugh
me: night