synopsis of past two days: yesterday, i worked (without a break) from 8.30-7. i treated myself to thai food on the way home and crashed on my poor excuse for a bed, also known as a futon. yesterday sucked royally. today has been 'pleasant.' i worked from 8.30-1, came home and lazed around, went to wilson's farm in lexington to pick up some goods, and chilled listening to music with blair.

blair is by far the roomate with whom i am the closest. he loves my musical tastes and i his. he is taking an intensive chemistry course at harvard so i don't get to see him too much these days. i'm pretty sure he's figured out that i'm gay (bi-same thing). he read a message from kate on aol, which pretty much gave it away-or at least made him suspect. then he was going through my cd's and commenting on my having a lot of tori amos and indigo girls. haha. it does not bother me in the least. i am to the point where, if my family finds out i will only be stressed the first day or two. after that the relief will prove worth it.

my ex just called me. i cannot express how disrespected she made me feel. wow. i won't go into what she was saying, b/c it is a little on the personal side--just know that when you break up with someone, you cannot expect for things only to change on your end. the other person WILL get tired and change as well. ugh...i can't believe that conversation...

i'm planning on attending a meeting/debate with this bisexual women's group here in boston next tuesday. hopefully i won't chicken out, cause it'd be a great opportunity to meet some gay people up here. also next week, i've made plans to meet up with a new friend kim and hang out on the town.

thought from today: love at first sight---does it really happen? not sure...but i was thinking about girls (and boys, actually) that i am attracted to, when the one thing that they all have in common occured to me: within the first five minutes of observing/talking to them i knew whether or not i could fantasize/have sex with them. i can't say for sure if this is a foreshadowing of love, because i've only truly been able to experiment with one person. the number of people that this has happened with is few--the 'attraction' that i am referring to is not a typical attraction; for, i am pretty strick with the people with whom i would sleep. this is becoming quite complicated to explain....and its not really worth it. in sum, i basically came to the conclusion that i have a great "'like' at first sight" skill....i can think of around 15 fitting examples of people and the precise moment at which i met/first encountered each of them. as my relationships with them have grown, i realize more and more that i could have more than just sex with them (more sensual not necessarily love making).

i realized something else about myself today that makes me very happy...it grew from the previous thought (^). my attractions are more often than not based upon personality than physicality. so many people say that its all in the personality, but would be biased against dating someone with little physical beauty. i'm proud that i am not one of these hypocritical people. i can honestly say that personalities attract me no matter what physical attributes are connected. granted--my ideal personality is an athlete/nature lover/etc, but but that as anything else could be compromised for different personality traits (when you take something away, its gotta be given to someone/thing else). kinda reminds me of entropy if anyone knows anything about bio..that will help you understand what i'm trying to say here....

well i think that's about it for today. i'm about to lay in my bed and attempt an "olympia" (see 6 july entry) by trying my hand at writing a short story. i have this feeling that i could put a little something together right now....we'll see how it goes :)