seems as though every part of my life is coming up at a junction these days. i try to keep myself from becoming overwhelmed by it all.

but it is hard.

warm baths, candles, incense, soothing music, and books are helping...but pressure fills my head and decreases in the form of tears down my cheeks.

my brother leaves tomorrow for one final step in his rehabilitation process. it will be the third program and we are going up on the two year anniversary of his lenghty journey. once he has completed this program, he will live with me full time. i cry tears of joy and tears of sadness. each junction reminds me of the pain that loving an addict has forced me to endure. i read back through past journal entries of when he was beginning the programs and briefly feel the pain as strongly as i did then, but then i realize that he is past that. i have regained my hope...the junction of my relationship with my brother brings me hope.

i have started a new job and am loving it. i am working at http://www.openarmscare.org. the pay and benefits are amazing! but...more importantly, i found the job that caters exactly to my career goals. the company is having a new york firm in town next week to lead a workshop on "how to educate people with profound and moderate mental retardation." the job is stressful because i am a member of a new team that is shifting the day program from a caretaker role into an educational role. the old staff are on edge about their job duties changing. and i am a good 10 years younger than everyone that i work with, so it is hard to hold a higher status than most of my coworkers without them feeling somewhat inadequate.

i am fizzling out of brainpower. early mornings and sleepless nights are catching up with me.

oh one last thing. my ex, jaquita, has been on my mind a lot in the past week. mitch told me today that she messaged me on aim today. he did not respond. i really wish that i had her number. i miss her.