excerpt from an email to my psychologist:

i need to take advantage of the "searching/re-evaluating" nature of my family right now. there will not be a better time...i can't keep running. actually, what i'm doing right now isn't running at all. its as if the space that my life occupies has shrunk to the point that i can't even get one step in a direction without hitting a wall. the walls are closing in. i have to break some down.